He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
