Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
