i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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