You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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