Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
