Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The ass gains better be worth it
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