We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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