Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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