he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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