I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
