Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
