There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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