I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
