You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
