I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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