just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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