Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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