If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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