If i come over, it means nothing
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Randomize
