those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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