I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
