whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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