And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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