I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
