3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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