I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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