Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
