Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
