Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
