If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i was born a porn star she said
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
