I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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