My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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