Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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