I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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