i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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