soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
