I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
