don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
