Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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