I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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