Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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