just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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