At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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