we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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