Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
