He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
