You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
