so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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