Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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