just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
