I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
