why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
