the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
