Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
