bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
someone owes me an orgasm
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
