she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
