We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
