apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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