I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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