Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
