I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
