Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
