I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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