Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
