I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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