he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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