She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We are two peas in an std pod
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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