ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
