Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
