East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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