Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
